What Are Fake Girlfriends For?
by CrazyCookieChick
Summary: A hilarious encounter in which a moron will not stop hitting on Reyna and Piper's amusing and provocative way of fixing it (including their friend's reactions). Fake femslash. I had fun with this one and am quite proud of it! Enjoy! Leave some love! (Aka a review please.) (Just a precaution there is some MILD foul language but the fic is worth it.)


_Summary: A hilarious encounter in which a moron will not stop hitting on Reyna and Piper's amusing and provocative way of fixing it (including their friends reactions). Fake femslash._

_Hey guys! I wrote this one a while back and had some help with it from the following people:_

_BlueFoodForever StillFallingAngel Itty Bitty Albatros and of course bluelove22 who are all awesome!_

_Note from bluelove22: I found this highly amusing. Loved beta-ing it! :D Enjoy~_

_I've been looking forward to publishing it and am quite proud of this one._

_Please send it some love!_

_Disclaimer: If I were Uncle Rick BOO would have a lot less plot holes._

_**Disclaimer: This fic is all in the name of fun and is not meant to offend any lifestyle choice or orientation. Seriously guys you've read my work do I look like a homophobe to you?**_

_I find this fic hilarious and i hope that you do too! Enjoy and review._

"_Pendejo is a spanish slang word for idiot,stupid or dumass." _

Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano was a very patient woman. She had been through…gods, do we even need to bring that up? But this guy. This ignorant, uncouth moron. This _pendejo_ was really fraying at her nerves. Said pendejo was simply not getting the message.

The Seven, plus a few extra people such as Reyna (obviously), Nico, Will, and Rachel were all having a friendly dinner at a mortal restaurant and bar in New York. Now normally such a combination of powerful scents would scream "DEMIGOD BUFFET; come and get them while they're alive and tender!" to all the monsters in the city, but after the last war involving this particular group... Well, let's just say any monster that crossed their path would be a fool. Kind of like this mortal, actually.

Now Reyna regretted volunteering to go to the bar and order them all drinks.

_Biggest mistake of the night, _she thought sourly.

Just because some drunk idiot saw Reyna by herself at the bar and decided that she was fresh meat, it was about the go guy would not stop hitting on her. Now don't get the wrong idea; Reyna could easily kick this guy's ass all the way to Rome and back, but in the interest of peace and not ruining dinner she decided not to. The problem was that no amount of "I'm not interested", "I'm with someone" (which was a lie), and "my friends are right over there" got rid of the guy.

It got so bad at one point that Jason decided to get up from the table and "save" Reyna (she didn't need saving and he knew it), or rather save the guy from her wrath and a potential bar fight by playing the pretend boyfriend card. Even Nico was contemplating helping his basically sister. However, Piper had other ideas.

"I got this guys," she said with a mischievous twinkle in her ever-changing kaleidoscope eyes.

Now Jason was under the impression that she was just gonna sprinkle a little charm speak on top and everything would be as normal as it can get for demigods again.

Oh how wrong he was. You see, Piper had other ideas.

"There you are, babe!" Piper said cheerfully as she sauntered up to Reyna, placing a kiss on her cheek a little too close to the mouth. "What's taking so long?" She asked while putting her arm around her.

Then she proceeded to spin around, anger etched on her features as she glared at him.

"You," she said harshly. "What do you think you're doing hitting on my girl?"

The _pendejo_ merely gaped, an army of flies totally having plenty of opportunity to fly into his mouth while he stuttered an excuse. Piper didn't really listen though, instead turning around to flash Reyna big smile. She then sat down in the seat next to Reyna's, intertwining their fingers as she ordered some strange non-alcoholic concoction.

It took about 1.5 seconds for Reyna to realize what Piper was doing, and it took every single ounce of her self-control to not burst out into laughter. At this point, remaining silent was her best bet.

"Wanna drink to get your mind off this jerk, babe?" The daughter of Aphrodite asked while jamming a finger in the guy's direction.

Reyna's lip turned upward. "That would be great, Piper."

A moment later, after Piper got her drink (the unintentional charm speak in her voice making the process a lot quicker), she took a sip of her "craving concoction" before putting their joined hands affectionately on her stomach and sighing.

"You know, I love you babe, but next time you're having Jason's baby."

She suddenly glowered at the guy, who had not moved and was just sitting there as if they were talking a different language and was trying to understand, with steely eyes that mysteriously seemed to change color. "You're _still_ here? Seriously, she's mine. Get out of here before I get really angry and you get pummeled by a pregnant woman."

Back at the table, things were going… well, they were definitely going.

Jason was gaping with his mouth open like a fish. Nico was mastering the art of the Silent Cackle, rolling his eyes when he saw Reyna put a hand on Piper's stomach. Will and Leo simply found it amusing, although Leo was almost crying he was laughing so hard. Percy was attempting to stop his laughter but ended up choking on his blue coke which caused his drink to spill all over Leo's lap. The son of Hephaestus pouted at his now wet pants, trying to dry himself using his powers but not burn his pants off while both Annabeth and Will tried to give Percy the heimlich. When Percy was finally out of the danger zone, the daughter of Athena scolded him with a repeated "Seaweed Brain" and several kisses. Not that that was much of a scolding. Hazel and Frank both watched the scene with wide eyes, looking at each other in complete confusion every few seconds as they tried to make sense of what they were seeing. Rachel just watched closely as if watching a television show.

"I did not see that coming," the red-headed Oracle said with a grin.

Back at the bar, the guy that had been hitting on Reyna was finally cracking. He opened his mouth, probably to say something highly unintelligent, when Piper cut him off.

"Join a threesome they say," she took a sip of her drink, "have a baby they say. It'll be easy they say. OY, BARTENDER, MORE MINT LEAVES!"

At that comment the _pendejo _got out of his chair and walked away, not even looking back to see Piper and Reyna high-five each other. It had only taken five minutes of Piper's intervention to get it through his thick skull that he wasn't getting anywhere with them tonight.

"That was quite a performance," Reyna complimented with a grin just as the drinks came. She grabbed some and Piper grabbed the rest.

The daughter of Aphrodite smiled happily. "No problem. After all, what are girlfriends for?"

_Haaaa! I loved this one. For the record Japser is canon here and the relationship between Reyna and Jasper is platonic._

_Also I was debating if Piper should actually be pregnant with a bump or not. I'll leave that to you._

_Whoo! I am pumped about this one!_

_Please make sure to review, let me know your fav part and if I made you laugh out loud or no._

_Lots of Love! ~Cookie_

_(For another one of my hilarious fics I would check out Percy's Oil Change.)_


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